Have you ever felt as if everything you are doing, you are doing wrong? You are trying really hard, sometimes even too hard, but in the end it never goes like you thought it would. You are doing your best, but there is just no change, no results. And how can you prove it to others when all the evidence is lost in time?
I know there are some of you who feel that way, maybe even right now. I know that you have asked yourself at least once: “Am I on the right way?”, “Did I made the right decision about college and what if I realize that I didn’t?”, “Will I disappoint my family?”etc.
I know that feeling just as well.
In 2010, after I had finished my high school, it was time to pick a university I wanted to go. Not because I had to, but because I wanted to. Since I had been to a business high school, the Economics faculty in my hometown seemed like the obvious choice. And at that time, it also seemed like the right choice for me. However, I was wrong and it turned out to be the wrong choice. I wasn’t doing well. On the one hand, I was struggling with some subjects, and on the other, I was faced with the unjustice from some professors, which managed to kill every little bit of willpower I had. I shed countless tears and spent sleepless nights because of that. It seemed like I was stuck in time, while everyone else was doing great and moving forward. My confidence was crumbling. I was lost.
I was wandering the dark alleys of my subconsciousness. Having the bad habit of valuing myself through other people’s criteria, was not helpful at all. It took me a long time to realise that I had chosen the wrong path and that I was going in circles. But no, I don’t regret mistakes I made back then. I am not even blaming the professors, because I am in some ways thankful to them: they helped me open my eyes and admit to myself and to others that it was not the right university for me. My brother says, that they did me a favour, because if things hadn’t gone this way, I probably never would have come to study what I really love and what fulfills me, which is Journalism.
I know now that mistakes are a part of life and at the basis of one’s growth. There is a saying that goes like this: „Happiness comes from good judgement, good judgement comes from experience, and experience comes from poor judgement.“
It is completely fine to feel lost. Sometimes it is the best way to find yourself, to discover the real you.
I can now say that I know the real me, everything I am and can be. I have learned the importance of knowing the meaning of life and having goals in life.
The fear that was preventing me from enjoying the happiness and success I deserved has been uprooted.
Now I’m running my own race.
I do what I want because I know it is right and consistent with my heart and my mind.
Once upon a time Epictetus said: „ No man is free who is not a master of himself“
I am now free. I am the only person who decides the boundaries of my life.
My dears, live your lives, don’t let life live you.
Be free to run your own race.